Wow, after hearing how little some of you pay for meat, I'm almost ashamed of what I pay! And that's at the least expensive of three local grocery stores!
While we're on the topic of money, my husband came home the other day from hanging out with some guys, one of whom does marriage prep classes. One of the questions they ask in those classes is "How much does something have to cost for you to ask permission from your spouse to buy it?" Apparently the answers vary greatly!
My husband's answer?
"Well, my wife called me at work the other day to ask if she could buy a teething ring for like $8, so I guess not much!"
Actually it was $12 plus almost $6 for shipping. But he's right - in the grand scheme of things $17 isn't that much money. What's interesting to me, though, is that I'll easily spend anywhere from 4-8 times that much at the grocery store and not even feel the need to mention it to him. Why the disparity in reporting?
For me it boils down to needs versus wants. We need food, toiletries, and clothes. (And really not that many clothes.) Those are the main things I buy, and neither my husband nor I feel the need to have me check in with him over that. That he trusts me to make these purchases makes things a lot easier. I would feel pretty silly calling him at work from the checkout line and saying "Groceries are gonna be $108 today. Is that okay?" What's he going to do, say no and have me put back the broccoli and laundry detergent?
On the other hand, I will agonize over buying almost any piece of clothing that costs more than say $10. Do I really need it? Is it on sale? How much did it cost to start? Am I going to get a lot of wear out of it? Is it truly worth it? A majority of the time I won't buy it.
And that brings us to the more discretionary items. This is where the asking permission part comes in for me. When something costs more than I think it should (like a $12+ teething ring when I assume I can get plastic ones for a third that much), I can't justify it myself. I can explain just why it is so much more expensive (handmade, wooden, organic, they plant a tree for every teether sold, yadda yadda), but I can't bring myself to purchase it without a go-ahead. Especially if it's something we don't truly need and could live without.
I used to buy books anytime I felt like reading them, but my husband noticed that it was really adding up. So I headed back to the library (hello old friend! it had been so long since I browsed you for fun!) and I am really glad he pointed out what an expensive habit I had developed. My latest expensive habit is the fabric store, but I'm trying to get that in line before he has to say anything!
This morning as I was starting this post, I realized I didn't know exactly what amount of money my husband would say in response to the question, so I asked him on his way out the door. He looked at me blankly.
"Elizabeth," he said. "I don't buy anything."
I laughed, because he was right. He hates shopping. If I even ask him to swing by the superstore while we're out, I can count on him being in a bad mood the rest of the day. He abhors buying unnecessary little things, knowing that when you spend a lot on little stuff then you don't have anything left for the big stuff that's really important. There's no need for him to have a set amount of money to ask my permission to spend, because he's not going to spend it unless we really need it - and in that case, we'll be together determining what to spend it on.
So I guess our answer to the original question would be "$10 for unnecessary items" for me and "N/A" for my husband!
I know this may differ for people, especially those who are good about following strict budgets, so I'm interested to hear your answers. How much does something have to cost for you to ask permission from your spouse to buy it? Does it vary based on what type of item it is? Has your response changed over the course of your marriage? Do you think it would vary if you worked outside the home versus stayed at home?
I'm like you--it varies depending on the item. If it's something I know we need, I buy it, but if it's a "want" item, I talk to my husband first.
ReplyDeleteMy husband does spend money on entertainment (video games, movies with friends, etc.), and he always checks with me before he spends something on himself, even if it's just a few dollars. But I think a lot of that has to do with me having more of a handle on our budget. (We budget together, but I handle all the "paperwork" side of it.) If he did the budget, it might be different.
I don't ask unless it is really huge. Like a hundred dollars or more. We have budgeted as a family and I know the needs better than he does. I spend on our children and he only covers himself. I try to not spend on wants and focus on the needs instead. I too struggle with buying clothes. I hate the price.
ReplyDeletefirst of all. i HATE blogger comments. i just wrote all this stuff and it wigged out and deleted it.
ReplyDeleteso anyways, oh budgets. i hate them. we're trying to be better at this because while we have no debt (apart from car payment and student loans), we (read: I) manage to spend exactly what we make each month. which, is actually ridiculous, considering we used to make $1000 LESS than we do now.
$100 is pry my magic number as well in terms of having to discuss it, but i never really end up in that situation. my problem is that i buy a bunch of little things that suddenly add up to a lot at the end of the month.
i'm the same way for clothes for myself (which is ironic because my husband would never begrudge me nice, new stuff), but i do buy for my boys. i like to match them and have holiday wear, and my oldest doesn't get handmedowns so... however, i only ever buy ON SALE and or on ebay.
i was once the sole breadwinner and now am the SAHparent, and it was the same even then (in terms of big vs little purchases)
It varies for us. We budget together and every month budget in "blow money" for each of us to have some cash on hand for little things that crop up. My husband loves to shop, but not buy. So on any given day I could tell you that he's watching the price on patio furniture, printers, etc...because he's been to the store to see what's available and the price, but not bought anything.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to grocery and other needs...we don't ask...just take care of it.
We both work and both have a fair share in the purchasing of things...and even when my husband was a SAHD it was that way.
Josh couldn't care less about money. He cares about the fact that I care about money, and the bare minimum that one must acknowledge it in this world, but he really, really doesn't care. I
ReplyDeleteam the exact opposite.
Before we got married we planned to avoid conflict in this area by following the same plan as Michelle. We've done that at some times, but then at other times we're trying to spend as little as possible so we just don't buy things unless we really think we should.
Employment and income doesn't play a role other than what it determines in terms of how much discretionary money there is!
My husband and I talked about this before getting married. I keep track of the budget and we have a set amount for things like groceries, if I go over budget in a category I start asking about things like the more expensive brand or desserts - waiting til next month to buy those again.
ReplyDeleteWe both get 30 bucks a month to spend as part of the budget but we don't discuss purchases under $50 in general. However, if I am close to maxing the budget for the month I get like you and ask about even 5 dollar things that I don't need.
If I find myself asking him to buy something (similar to a teether, usually on Amazon) I probably don't need it. If I need it-I wouldn't ask.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am just like you with clothes! I'll agonize over a $10 shirt but think nothing of dropping $20 on chicken or $50 on gas!
I ask my husband in the same circumstances you do, and every time he says "honey you don't need my permission". Still I feel better about it. :)
ReplyDelete