However, I was recently reminded that just because the two of us are leaning in these directions does not mean that all NFP couples feel the same way. And that's perfectly okay. Just because a couple chooses to do or not do certain things does not make them a somehow more or less genuine NFP couple.
Some but certainly not all (and not necessarily even most) NFP couples...
- Want to have as many children as possible.
- Want a natural childbirth with no medical interventions.
- Use ecological breastfeeding with no pacifiers.
- Use cloth diapers.
- Use elimination communication.
- Use cloth feminine products.
- Have a wife who stays at home.
- Are wary of vaccines.
- Wear their babies.
- Co-sleep.
- Homeschool.
- Are mistrustful of pharmaceutical companies.
- Use herbal remedies and more natural products.
- Try to eat healthy and fairly organic.
Actually, in rereading the list I think many of these issues would fall more under the purview of people taking a more secular Fertility Awareness outlook based more on environmental concerns, as opposed to a distinctly Christian NFP perspective. Either way, it seems to me that the common denominator is that once a couple is confident in the way their bodies naturally work, they're more open to more natural approaches to other topics. When they realize they don't need contraception, they start thinking about other things that society pushes that might be unnecessary. Overall, they are empowered to trust natural alternatives.
Right now I'd say somewhere between 8 and 12 of the 14 points on the list above apply to us, although we're really only dead-set on about 4 of them and I reserve the right to change my mind on anything once the baby actually gets here! How about you? How many of these approaches characterize your life/plans? Anything you would add to the list?
I think that is a pretty good list. About 10 on the list apply to my husband and I; however, like you I reserve the right to change my mind on most once April rolls around and it's no longer theory.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying to think of something smart to add to the list, but can't think of any crunchy items. Just the role God plays, but then wouldn't most/all NFP users fall under that category so the disclaimer at the top wouldn't fit.
I'm glad you put "have as many kids as possible" on the top of that list. To the world, this is "weird." (Understand, I'm not saying *I* think it's weird--I think it's beautiful, although I'm sure it's not what I'm called to!) I think that too often, NFPers get so focused on contraceptive mentality that we come across as "weirdos," and that does more damage to the goal of getting people off contraception than anything else. Very sad, that we do it to ourselves.
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ReplyDeleteWe don't actually practice NFP, but we don't use chemical birth control, either. I'm pretty hardcore on 8 of the items on your list and indifferent to the others...strange, huh? "Indifferent" as in, "I totally respect that view, it's just not for me."
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to reading more!
Very interesting post. :)
ReplyDeleteI guess I'd say that we "want to have as many children as possible" meaning, since I have fertility problems, "as many as possible" will probably be a somewhat lower number for us. But maybe we'd feel that way even if we didn't use NFP? I don't know.
I like the *idea* of using breastfeeding to space children, but out Creighton instructor told us that even if you exclusively BF, a woman is only *guaranteed* 56-60 days before return of fertility. For many women it will take longer to come back, but she said you're only guaranteed those 60 days, so you have to start charting too (if you're trying to avoid).
Also, I heard from our childbirth nurse that there's some new research that shows that the use of pacifiers (after establishment of BF) actually helps reduce SIDS. I don't know if that's true? Maybe google it?
We are definitely planning on using cloth diapers, baby wearing, me staying home, and we've used herbal supplements and tried to eat organic even before I was pregnant.
I'm pretty wary of big pharama on most things, but I don't know anything about vaccines.
We're not co-sleeping exactly; we're having a pack and play right next to our bed to start out.
I have no interest in cloth feminine products; I'll have enough body fluids with washing diapers. ;)
And like you, I reserve the right to change my mind on any of this after she comes! :)
Great post.
You have a great approach. I do think that practicing a form of NFP as opposed to contraception to space children does give you the mindset to "have as many children as possible" but the "as possible" part varies per couple. Of all the things you stated, only a couple apply to our situation. I've only been able to BF one of my children for any length of time and with her, I did co-sleep (how else could I attempt to be ready to go to work in the morning???)
ReplyDeleteI've tried baby-wearing, but have never gotten into a groove with it and my children hate it. We want to have "as many children as possible" but since we also like to give our children at least 2 years to be "the baby" that has meant fewer children are possible for us.
As for the organic...bleh. It's so expensive and it's difficult to do with a larger family, IMO.
AND...my mother has completely soured that notion to me with her idiotic statements in that regard.
We don't eat completely organic. We don't eat completely processed either. We DO eat, healthy, though.
I enjoyed reading this.
We use the Creighton Model of NFP and for us maybe 6 are true.
ReplyDeleteWe want to have a many children as God will give us that allows for our mental, physical, and financial health. We are taking them one at a time, and we may end up with 6 or 8 or 10!
With my first, I wanted a natural birth, but circumstances changed after 23 hours of labor and no sleep. With our second, I was induced and got the epidural around 6 cm.
I exclusively breastfed both of our girls, and I am still nursing our 14 month old. My children don't take pacifiers, but it is mainly because I don't think they need them after 3 months.
We use disposable diapers because we buy Target generics at $13 a box! And I have so much laundry to do as it is.
I don't start putting my kids on the potty until we are ready to potty train, and but the method we used was watching for her signs and rushing her to the potty. It worked!
I do use a Diva cup on the heavy days of my cycle. I definitely think that my willingness to do this springs from me being comfortable with my body and bodily fluids from nfp.
I do stay at home. :)
We do use an alternative vaccine shedule. The Vaccine Book by Dr. SEars is phenomenal!
I do wear my babies, but not hard core.
We cosleep some in the first 3 months, but not after that because it is a battle to transition to sleep independently... we found this out the hard way.
I am definitely discerning homeschooling, but I'm not sure yet what our plan is.
I don't mistrust pharma companies.
I don't really get into herbal remedies much.
And I agree with Michelle that organic is way too expensive. In our area, a bunch of organic grapes is $7!!! However, we do eat healthy with all whole grains etc.
Really interesting post! Sorry for the forever long comment! haha
Loved this post! One thing we gave up on before we even tried it was cloth diapering- our laundry is super crazy as it is. Of course....Baby Joe is two months old and we haven't had to buy one single pack of diapers yet (yes, we got that many diapers at baby showers!) So once we have to shell out money for diapers my tune might change!
ReplyDeleteI'm still working on the baby wearing- hope to post on that soon!
About half of the list applies to us... at this point. I'm glad you have the foresight to realize that as years pass, more babies arrive, and everything changes (over and over again) revisiting why you're doing what you're doing is a necessity... and will sometimes yield interesting conclusions :)
ReplyDeleteOn a personal note, I was amused to glance over the bullets that are applicable to my little family and note how many of them we do, just... not "all the way." For example, we co-sleep much of the time, but eventually we move them to a crib and that's always occurred before they turned 1. Since baby #2 I "wear" my babies in public much more than I use a stroller, but I rarely put them in a carrier when we're at home.
This post definitely got my brain churning; I'll have to bookmark it and reread in a year or so to see where we're at! :)
Well, I'm happy to report back that I fit every one of those items on that list that I possibly can without having children. How's that for dead on?
ReplyDeleteAnd I do appreciate your wording on the first one. "As many as possible" is enough to sound crazy to the rest of the world, but leaves more than enough room for God. Thanks for that.
Let's see:
ReplyDeleteWe want to have as many children as possible - the possibility does include being called by God to have children and being able to financially provide for them (including some amount of college).
I had a natural childbirth with little medical intervention - ended up with 1 dose of IV meds because of how intense my fast labor was, but its all about living in the moment & doing what you have to for delivering a healthy baby! :-) I hope to have.
I would have loved to EBF but being a working mother, it "doesn't count" when you're pumping. That being said, if I'm ever blessed enough to be able to stay home I would definitely try to EBF but pacis were a big help for us with Jack. Along with BF we co-slept (and he still sometimes ends up in bed with us) because I had to get a decent amount of sleep in order to function at work.
We use cloth diapers, but only as of recently! Loving how self-sufficient it feels!
I don't think I would ever homeschool because I want my children to have that social interaction. I do hope to send our children to Catholic school.
So that's probably 4 plus 2 halfs for us!
Check, check, and check, except for a few...
ReplyDeleteNot sure about having as many children "as possible" (I'm thinking of the Duggars here, lol), but we definitely want a large family. :-D
I'd probably use a pacifier if Baby D would take it! He's not fooled one bit!
You know my take on vaccines. Baby D still hasn't gotten his two-month immunizations, but that's because of weirdness at the doctor's office and health insurance. Gotta love our health care system!
I TRY to eat healthy. Not so easy when I live with a pizza-lovin' Italian man, but I try!
Thanks for the link to my EC post!
I'm not Catholic, so we actually practice the Fertility Awareness Method as opposed to NFP. But I find myself agreeing with every Catholic teaching on sexuality I've ever heard, so I struggle a lot with this. Hubs is much less open to Catholic teaching, so I'm pretty sure he wouldn't see the reason in doing NFP whole-hog. And I've definitely been thinking this over a LOT lately, since everything's all wacked out from post-partum and just about impossible to chart. :-/ Ha! Bet you didn't think you'd be getting a novel for a comment!
Can I just say how much I am loving these comments?! It's so interesting to hear what similar people do and don't do! It's also really interesting how so many of these things are not all or nothing, but more of a continuum, and subject to change as families change! Thanks for sharing everyone!
ReplyDeleteI'd say only 2-3 apply to us. I stay at home and we cloth diaper (most of the time). We are considering homeschooling but aren't to the point where we have to make a final decision yet. We are breastfeeding, but I don't think it will end up qualifying as ecological. I know I won't be doing it past the first year and might stop sooner than that. I'm not a fan of co-sleeping or attachment parenting and our kids will get all their vaccinations.
ReplyDeleteThis is so interesting to me! Some of these definitely apply to my husband and me and some most definitely don't! I don't have a problem with people who feel called to have as many children as possible, but I hate feeling judged by other NFP-ers for not wanting to get pregnant immediately. (My husband and I have been married just over a year and are planning to adopt first.) Thanks for the interesting post!
ReplyDeleteWe are hip to all these notions except the feminine hygiene product one but we'll probably consider that in the future. We agree on reserving the right to change our minds at any point on non-moral issues. We also have friends all over the spectrum which can lead to some passionate debates on vaccines or produce. We have all mellowed over time as we adjust to our growing families however and we appreciate each others different opinions.
ReplyDeleteWe have 3 children so far plus one in heaven... I would be happy to add more... we'll see what happens.
ReplyDelete1st baby needed a low dose or pitocin to maintain contractions, and then got a episiotomy. Took me several years to come to terms with this. 2nd was totally natural. 3rd was a homebirth. Used a doula for the 1st 2. I did ecological breastfeeding with no pacifiers. Average return of menses 14 mos. Now we are just extended BFers.
We have used a combination of disposible and cloth diapers and EC.
Haven't tried cloth feminine products. I have tried Diva cup and have trouble with it, so back to disposible here.
I stay at home.
I am wary of vaccines but do take/give most of them. Have used different schedules with each child depending on what seemed right for him or her.
I wear my babies, co-sleep and homeschool.
I recognize that all drugs have side effects and should be treated with respect. I consider drugs to still be experimental until they are on the market for at least a year, perhaps more. That said drugs can be very useful and we use them when their good probably outweighs their risk.
I use herbal remedies and more natural products.
I try to eat healthy and fairly organic.
Things change and I try to be flexible enough to go with the change.
I would add to the probably list "are Catholic".. I am, but I would estimate that a third of my NFP students are not.
To Maria D's hub: it has never made sense to me personally to use a barrier during the fertile time. Each method has a effectiveness rating that includes the woman's whole cycle. But of course no woman is going to get pregnant at the beginning or end of the cycle. If these methods were tested only during fertile periods, their numbers would undoubtably look worse. It therefore seems foolish to me to say, yes these days are the fertile ones, but instead of avoid them, let's use them and still hope to not get pregnant. Just my own reasoning.
What a great observation! I think that a lot of Catholic couples probably start out using NFP because of the moral/religious implications and find that they shift to a "greener" world view because of it. That's how it worked for us at least.
ReplyDeleteI'm on board with everything on the list, except for elemination communication (never heard of it before today actually!!) cloth feminine products, and am not very good about using herbal remedies. With the right amount of education-I could definitely start that too though.