A watched doorbell never rings

One of the things I was most looking forward to with our move to suburbia was Halloween! Adorable children dressed up in costumes coming to our front door sweetly requesting candy - it couldn't get any better!

You should know that I had specific adorable children in mind. A family two houses down from us has at least 6 beautiful blond children and I am slightly obsessed with them. Not in a scary "I'm going to steal your child" way, but in a "please let me become friends with the mother so I can play with the kids and simultaneously learn tips for how to deal with that many children" way. I have never met them, but I adore and almost idolize them. I was certain that Halloween would be our chance for them to see what great neighbors we were and how we should all become friends!

Clearly, I had a lot riding on this.

As the day drew near, we carved our pumpkins.


We went to the store more than once to buy more candy. Not because I had eaten it all (I didn't!), but because we just kept worrying that we wouldn't have enough! We lived in a neighborhood after all! And actually having trick-or-treaters was a completely new experience for me! I grew up in the country - the only people that came by our house were our cousins and sometimes the one family across the road. One small bag was plenty.

Also, my parents didn't go for the whole "let your children run across the whole neighborhood (even if you don't live there) and fill an entire pillowcase with candy" thing. They drove us to the houses of our family and a few friends, and that was it. But I digress. Suffice to say, I was completely ignorant to just how many kids would be showing up.

A neighbor informed us that children usually start coming between 4:00 and 5:00. So promptly at 4:00, we were ready.

I donned the cowgirl dress that I've had since my mom and I made it in high school (any excuse to wear my boots):


And my husband the scientist donned his sumo wrestler costume:


Yes, that is in fact the world's best costume. Especially for a thin man.

The cool people that we are, we decided to construct a spreadsheet detailing our success.


Excel file prepared, we waited for the floodgates to open.

And waited.

And waited.

"Maybe their parents are making them all eat supper first," I suggested an hour and a half later. "We might as well have dinner, too. I'm sure that as soon as we sit down to eat, the doorbell will ring!"

It did not.

Finally, at 6:20 pm, our doorbell did ring!! The perfect group of young adorable children chimed "Trick or treat!" and all the preparation was worth it. With another group at 6:25 and another at 6:27 (official spreadsheet times), we were thrilled! It had begun!

We stood looking at the door, prepared for the next group. And the wait time between groups became longer and longer. And it started to rain.

I won't drag you through the rest of the painful evening, but I will say that the remaining kids who bravely sloshed through the cold and rain were rewarded with handfuls of candy. Here are the final results from our spreadsheet:


I could've been depressed about this. But I just couldn't be. How can you do anything but giggle when your husband is sitting next to you like this?