"I started the pill!" I squealed to my mother and then-fiance and several friends. "I'm finally a woman!"
Yes, I had finally stepped into womanhood. In three months I was going to be married. I was going to have sex (finally!) and do it responsibly. Yes, that would involve taking a pill every morning for basically the next 30 years, but that's what all women did. A rite of passage, kind of like shaving your legs, only if you didn't the consequences were more serious.
Less than a year later, I threw the half-used pack of pills into the trash can. And I grinned great big and actually danced around the apartment, because now I knew I had become a real woman.
A woman who was no longer ignorant about the workings of her body. A woman who didn't depend on drugs when she was perfectly healthy. A woman who embraced her God-given gift of fertility instead of shunning it. A woman who was a true feminist by refusing to be controlled by the pharmaceutical industry or the lies of the sexual revolution. A woman who, with her husband, was reaching for self-control instead of constant self-indulgence.
I had been liberated. This was true responsibility, to do the right thing instead of taking the easy route. This was true freedom and true femininity.
Do you remember the first time you became a real woman?
I'm totally with you on that one: deciding NOT to take the pill was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
ReplyDeleteAs for the first time I felt like a real woman, I think my moment came a few weeks after I had my first baby. My husband and I were having dinner when he looked across the table at me and said that I seemed 'different somehow, but in a good way'. He said I seemed more confident, calmer and wise; I seemed like a mom. And in that moment I realized that I *felt* more confident, calmer and wise. In the weeks since my baby was born, I had become even more fully myself. And for the first time in my life, I felt like a real woman.
That's not to say there weren't ups and downs and challenges as I adjusted to my new role, but ultimately motherhood enriched my life in ways I couldn't ever have imagined.
Thanks for yet another great post!
I agree with you and Emily. Stopping the pill has been so empowering and wonderful - so far :) I love being able to understand how my body works.
ReplyDeleteI think I felt like I was truly a woman after my second daughter was born. My first was a c-section, then I struggled with some extended baby blues and had become less and less confident with my abilities as a mother. But when my second was born naturally, I felt so...powerful. Really like I was capable of anything and that God had made me and my body for a specific reason - to grow souls and raise children. I think my expectations were dashed in the first pregnancy, and (right or wrong) I felt bad about it. I couldn't see past my (assumed) failures long enough to understand the concept of my vocation as a mother. So, I'd have to say, after a completely natural childbirth - I felt like I'd arrived at womanhood.
And that's seeped over into my whole way of approaching life and love in general. I'm more confident, hopeful, loving. My husband noticed the change as well, as it's enhanced our, um, intimatcy :) I am a woman. And I like it.
I have to say my wedding made me feel like a real woman, since before that I just felt like a "girl" - to my family and friends.
ReplyDeleteAll this talk about babies, though, makes me think that maybe the best "real woman" feeling is yet to come!
I LOVE this post! If you don't mind, I'm going to do one of these on my blog, and of course give you all the credit. :)
ReplyDeleteStopping the pill for me was actually, not a big deal. I was taking it because of a medical issue, and then my parent's insurance ran out at 21, I stopped taking it because I couldn't afford it anymore. It was only about a year later when I actually came to the conclusion that I was better off without it.
I felt like a woman for the first time when I found out I was pregnant. Even though we lost our baby, something awakened in me that had been dormant until that point. Becoming Michael's mother, even for just a few weeks, made me feel like a woman.
Now, I'm going to listen to Aretha's "Natural Woman" -- dedicated to all my sisters who threw away the pill!
its so funny - i too was thinking that the first time i felt like a "real" woman was when i was pregnant, and especially after my wonderful natural childbirth experience - there is just something so profoundly beautiful about being "with child," as though you are truly EMBODYING your vocation and the participation in God's creative power that you and your husband share.
ReplyDeleteon a separate note (i don't know how to email you elizabeth), i thought you might be interested in a response i received to the post i did about real marital sexuality.
http://stsebastianprayforus.blogspot.com/2009/09/mom-site-to-avoid.html
you weighing in again would be much appreciated. articulate responses are definitely what is needed!
sorry to steal the show, back to awesome feminine genius comments :)
I just knew people would say having children made them feel like a real woman! What a beautiful thing. I'm with Alison - can't wait for that! And Heavenly Sarah, thanks for being honest and including the fact that it was with the birth of your second child. I would suspect that is more common than people realize? So it's good to know that you're not weird or bad to feel that way!
ReplyDeletePS. I forgot to mention -- I just started The Authentic Catholic Woman -- let's totally do a virtual book club! Also, my first ENDOW class on Human Suffering is tonight; hopefully I'll post on it tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteGod Bless.
I don't know when I first felt like a woman. I would think that breastfeeding or my natural births (one at home, no less) would've done it, but no. I think when my children come to me for the kind of comfort that only a mom can give (which isn't the kind they need every time, btw) would be the closest I come to feeling like a woman and not a girl.
ReplyDeleteI first felt like a woman probably about a month or two after I got married. The beginning was so busy with an exciting honeymoon and putting gifts away. I think it took me a bit to realize the power of Natural Family Planning and the significance of my role as a wife. I'm enjoying that role and am right with you looking forward to motherhood. Great post and great perspective
ReplyDeleteGreat post!! I love how well you put it - and much more efficiently than I could! We must be thinking alike... I blogged about NFP myself just a couple days ago. It is such a wonderful thing that I want to share it with everyone I know!
ReplyDeleteI am late to this post as I just started following you this month and you just linked to it. :)
ReplyDeleteI love how you put it. I had already had one baby before I threw away my pills for good.
I guess it took me a little while, but probably in the last 10 months with the birth of my fourth child, I finally feel at peace and feel like a "real woman". I have learned so much about my body in the 8 years we have used NFP. I have learned so much about my role as a wife and mother and so much also about my faith.
I thank the Lord every day for opening my eyes to marital love without any barriers. Love without Boundaries, I say! :)
Awesome post!!!
ReplyDelete